Author Topic: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]  (Read 2855 times)

Offline brd4790

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worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« on: January 14, 2017, 04:18:17 PM »
This is super off topic, but gotta vent while I have a minute. WARNING: it's pretty gross and I'm still dealing with it now.

Everyone in my household except me is sick and has been puking starting just about 24 hours ago. My 8mo old but especially my 3yr old cannot manage to puke in a bucket or toilet. Instead it's been everywhere: on the floor, in the bed, on the couch. I like hold the bucket for him and he moves dramatically right before he barfs!!! I just finished washing all the sheets and the comforter cover.. they seemed fine, but I laid down for 2 minutes to rest after I finished putting the sheets on... certain spots still smell terrible! I was trying to clean the spots with "natural" pet mess carpet cleaner, but in my haste I reversed the direction and sprayed it into my eye!!!! It really hurt, but luckily it's "natural" and I just had to flush my eye. To top it all off, I just fed my cats, one of them ate too fast and puked behind the couch. SERIOUSLY!!!

Finally the puking seems to have died down and I'm trying to re-hydrate my children. Meanwhile, I've been on a fluids only fast since last night anticipating that I'm going to get sick... so far so good - hopefully my wife gets better before I go down. ugh. hahah... sometimes there's nothing to do but laugh.

So since misery loves company, feel free to post your worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day.
Kindest Regards,
Brad

Offline tintenfuchs

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2017, 12:33:41 PM »
Oh gawd, that is so gross!
My bad days pale in comparison to the grossness that is your post! ;)
Natascha
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Offline brd4790

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2017, 05:45:27 PM »
@tintenfuchs, hahah so gross I know :P. Good news everyone is better today and I never got sick *fingers crossed*
Kindest Regards,
Brad

Offline jeanwilson

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2017, 11:11:29 AM »
I waited to see if anyone was going to respond to your invitation to share war stories. I have way too many and did not even know where to start. At this point, I will just warn you to brace yourself for the next 20 years. Even longer. Sometimes there is very little break between the college kids and starting over with grandkids.

Here are just the top ten that came to mind - some with [lessons learned] :

1. Infant "cottage cheese" sprayed through the mesh of a swinging cradle onto the forest green carpet. [buy a ServiceMaster carpet cleaning kit]
2. Completely covered wool sweater - [do not wear anything that is not machine washable until kids are in middle school]
3. Completely covered white clothing after too much chocolate - [do not wear white clothing until kids are in high school]
4. The time we had to call professionals in for clean up - [do not start day with chocolate covered donuts, then go to a movie and eat popcorn and probably candy, and then let the kid talk you into a hot chocolate chip cookie sundae after dinner - it is embarrassing to tell the professionals what has been consumed when they ask - they need to know so that they can choose the correct cleaning fluids - best lesson learned - those professionals could have been called in the middle of the night - we did not have to wait until the morning - yes, some events are really that bad]
5. Have barf bags in the car when you start transporting other kids, if you have not had to have them for your own kids [consider wearing rubber gloves in the car when you are transporting other kids as a precautionary measure - have a container of wet wipes and roll of paper towels, too]
6. Consider banning any kid who is not your own and has already had an episode in your car.
7. Do not breathe a sigh of relief when you hear an older child holler in the middle of the night, "It's OK, I made it to the bathroom." It is possible that they did not manage to raise the lid on the toilet.
8. Put an alarm system on all doors that are not the bathroom so that they cannot inadvertently go to the wrong room to barf.
9. If a grandmother takes a kid to the state fair and lets them eat everything they ask for, that grandmother must take them to her home and return them until they have stopped barfing.
10. Do not let anyone back in the house after going on a cruise. Make them stay in a hotel for a week until they have recovered.

In all fairness to my offspring, they turned out fine. This list makes them sound awful.
And it was the spouse who had multiple problems on business related cruises.

Offline brd4790

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2017, 12:20:34 PM »
Hahaha... ahhh.. Jean,  this list made me laugh so hard that I cried. I thought it couldn't get funnier after #4, but after #5-7 I had to stop to gather myself... I'm eating lunch at Cosi by myself pounding my fist on the table, hysterically laughing,  tears in my eyes... pretty sure I scared the family sitting next to me. Now i'm going straight to Walmart for rubber gloves and barf bags... and I'm strongly considering buying a hazmat suit.
Kindest Regards,
Brad

Offline jeanwilson

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2017, 04:14:17 PM »
Glad you liked the *stories*. Yup, the hazmat suit will come in handy.
Let me know when you are facing these events with older kids - and I'll have a few more:

1. Can't figure out where kid is. [probably not an issue any more with cell phones]
2. College kid not responding to cell phone [how to get credit card company to tell you where most recent charges have been made - customer service rep will surmise kid is on a trip since there are charges in 3 different states - at gas stations - thanks....excuse given by kid: there is no cell coverage in Maine - what the heck were you doing in Maine?@$#%&*]
3. Emergency rooms [be happy to let other patients cut in line because their kid has severed something - and you are happy to not be in their shoes]
4. Detaching items that have been attached to things that do not need attachments
5. All of the tape in the house is now part of a sculpture in the back yard
6. Alcohol has been consumed
7. When the sign says "Jump at your own risk" - this does not mean you are being invited to jump and it is only slightly risky.
8. Be happy to have really nice penmanship when you write the thank you notes to the people who pulled the unconscious kid out of the water and did the helicopter rescues in the French Alps - and -dang- they don't even charge for rescues - just part of the tourist package. Nice.
9. Dents [avoid buying new cars - have something old and sturdy already broken in for the new driver - then just get a back-up old sturdy car]
10. Oh - and that time the toddler fell out of the moving car - it takes about 8 years before anyone can find the humor in that story - but the kid gets a lot of mileage out of writing the story for various assignments in school.

I should also make a list of all the things that kids -other than my own- put their parents through.

Bonus tip:
When a kid comes home and there is a gallon of barbecue sauce spilled on the floor in the back seat - be sure you have a wet-dry shop vac. And be glad it was barbecue sauce because the aroma never got stale - car just smelled nice and spicy for several weeks.


Offline brd4790

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2017, 06:43:31 PM »
ah man.. I don't even know what to say. I thought I wanted my kids to grow up a little ;)
Kindest Regards,
Brad

Offline jeanwilson

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2017, 09:40:08 AM »
Perhaps this thread is a reflection on my disturbing lack of focus on parenting while I was obsessed with my penmanship.
A favorite quote of mine:
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

You have been warned.

Offline Erica McPhee

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2017, 01:17:24 PM »
Oh Brad - as someone who has a serious vomit phobia  :o - you have my deepest empathy! I read on as I hoped it was like desensitizing therapy!  ;D

Jean - your message made me laugh so hard! Can totally relate.

OK, prepare yourselves - here's my worst:

The two older kids: ages 4 and 8 were sharing a room. We had Chinese takeout. I felt weird before dinner but thought eating would help. Mistake! Shortly after the kids had gone to bed, my oldest came to the top of the stairs to announce she had thrown up. Oh no ...

You see - we were packing for a move and so we had taken every single toy, clothing, whatnot out of every closet, drawer, etc. and were sorting and packing on the floor. There were toys and clothes everywhere - legos, marbles, little dolls, playing cards ... just about anything you could imagine. And yes - just imagine that scene.

So we get that child cleaned up and threw away half the stuff (easier than packing I guess!). About an hour later - kid two has a go on his side of the room. Half an hour into cleaning that up - my husband decides it is his turn.

I finish cleaning up and my mother, who was staying with us to help with the move, had no choice but to have her turn downstairs.

I lock myself in the nursery with the baby and start downing probiotics like they're candy. I nurse the baby who falls asleep on my chest while I listen to my son and husband taking turns in the adjoining bathroom.

About 20 minutes later, the baby wakes up, pulls open my collar, and throws up inside my pajama top.  :o  :-X
Warm Regards,
Erica
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Offline Erica McPhee

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2017, 01:22:18 PM »
7. Do not breathe a sigh of relief when you hear an older child holler in the middle of the night, "It's OK, I made it to the bathroom." It is possible that they did not manage to raise the lid on the toilet.

LOL! I was a fanatic about teaching the children to always close the toilet lid. Until the night my then 14 year old son had a BBQ pulled pork sandwich and the check out girl who just finished bagging it told us she had the stomach flu.  My son woke me up and told me the scary news, "I just threw up." I said, "Where?" He said, "In the bathroom." I said, "Oh good." He responded, "Well, not so much..."  :o

New family rule - NEVER shut the toilet lid ever again.  ;D
Warm Regards,
Erica
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Offline brd4790

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Re: worst, non-tragic, kinda comical day? [WARNING: it's gross]
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2017, 07:30:01 PM »
Thanks for sharing Erica. I feel better now knowing that other parents have crazy puke stories ;)
Kindest Regards,
Brad