Hi Ash - sorry it took me a while to get to it but here I am :-)
You have a very nice script that will server you quite well as is. There is always room for improvement and I am more than happy to provide feedback on the formal shapes of the letters if that is the direction you want to go. Most of your work is loose and flourished but I think a little bit of attention to the structure of the letters will make your work even better.
I will provide my feedback based on the 'I never knew a life...' piece.
- The 'i' stroke (also used in l,b,t,w,u) should taper only in the last third or so of the x-height. The left side of the shaded stroke should taper towards the right while the right side should remain aligned the slant. A number of the 'i' strokes in this example start to taper too early resulting in wedge shaped shades. The 'i' stroke should hit the base line just a little to the right of the right side of the shaded stroke.
- The 'o' stroke in inconsistent in width. Look at the word 'echo' on line 6. The 'e' and 'c' are too rounded.
- The 'o' is generally shaped beautifully, however, the shade tends to start on the top right side of 'o' when it should start just a little below the waist line on the left side.
- The ascender loops are fighting the slant. Both ascender and descender loops should match the slant of the letters. If you draw a line splitting the loop vertically in half, you should not be too far off from the slant. Also, your loops should come down to meet the stem stroke at about the waist line - a number of yours are ending above the waist line giving the counter a rounder shape.
- The 's' and 'r' are too tall. They should extend no more than 1/3 of the x-height above the waist line.
- The compound stroke (the last stroke in 'n', 'h', 'm' etc.) tends to be thinner than the shaded strokes around them. Also, the top part should match the bottom - yours are thinner at the top.
- The dot of the 'i' should be level with the top of the 't' - this way it will not interfere with the crossbar when the two letters are written next to each other.
These are some of the things that jump out in terms of the letter forms but I hope they will give you an idea of what to look for. You are very skilled. I don't expect it would take you long to refine your script.
- Salman