Unintentional hiatus

[Elisabeth_M]

I'm sorry to have disappeared from the forum for awhile.  First my mother came to visit and then, right before my mom went back to Iowa, my grandma (who also lives in Iowa), who had been ill with something that seemed minor, took a nasty turn for the worse and we were just praying that Mom would get back to see Grandma before she died.  Mom did make it back, fortunately, and my grandma died the next day.

It has been hard since then, first there was the funeral to make it through and then there was the reality of life without Grandma to get used to.  We were very close and since she lived far away and had been in assisted living for a couple of years and in a nursing home since Feb., more often than not, when I calligraphed an envelope it was for a letter or a card for her.  She was also the recipient of all of my large, finished calligraphy pieces.  In fact, the last thing I made for her was a scripture verse to be placed in the coffin and buried with her.  I haven't felt like practicing calligraphy much since then (in the latter part of Sept.).  When I did sit down to practice, I would cry.     (Crying is not conducive to making good letterforms, in case you were wondering.)

My grandmother and I were very close and her death has left me somewhat depressed.  She was the only person I could truly count on for unconditional support my entire life (my parents were often not supportive of my choices) and before she moved to assisted living a couple of years ago, her house was the one place I could go--no questions asked--if everything went to hell and I needed to get away.  I have had other friends I could depend on and I have my husband of course, but she was the only one who had been constant throughout my life.

So, it's been hard.  But, I have started getting back into calligraphy practice little by little (it's amazing how downhill your script can go if you haven't done any of it for several weeks) and I can manage not to cry when I practice (most of the time).  When I couldn't focus enough to practice calligraphy, I practiced my best "school" cursive (that is, the cursive I learned in school with some slight variations) and that has gotten pretty good, actually.  I expect I'll be back on the forum more, now, too, but I make no promises.

[prasad]

Welcome back Liz,
Nice to have you posting again 
No hugs emoticon here, so > < hope that qualifies for one

Happy writing
Prasad

[Erica McPhee]

Elisabeth,
I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. It is so difficult to say goodbye to the ones we love. It may help to take a break from calligraphy for awhile and you will know when it is time to go back to it. You'll get that familiar feeling and think, "I'm ready." In the meantime, do what brings you comfort, even if that is just reading a book or spending time with family.

We'll be here when you're ready. 

[Brad franklin]

Sorry to hear about your loss!

[AndyT]

Oh Elisabeth, I'm so sorry to hear that.  Grief has a nasty habit of sneaking up behind and whacking you with the old lead piping just when you think you've got the measure of it ... or at least that's my experience.  My sincere condolences.

If I remember aright you'll have a new address by now: if you drop me a line I'll get something in the post to you.  Take care.

[Terasleen]

@Elisabeth_M ....I'm so very sorry for you and your family. Prayers are with you. Hope for you is that one day soon, when you are back into your calligraphy, you will do it and practice with a smile while thinking of her and how much she loved your calligraphy.
  Maybe writing down in calligraphy some of the funny or silly things she would say that would bring a smile to yourself...and share them with us!

Blessings & comfort to you.

[Starlee]

Loss of someone so close is always so difficult. Big warm hugs. Thank you for updating us. Happy you have returned!

[Scarlet Blue]

So sorry, Elisabeth, I will send you some scrawl.
Sxxx

[Garima]

@Elisabeth_M , I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma! I can totally feel what you're going through because i've been facing challenges of my own. My dad suffered his third stroke in June, just the day i went to meet him - as if he was waiting for me to arrive! I will not give you details of his current condition because i don't want to add any bit of negative energy to his illness and because i know he's going to be sitting next to me in a while when i calligraph! Last four months have been painful but i now choose to live in possibility and hopefulness, focusing on all that would bring him joy.

Start celebrating whatever makes you feel good and you'll invariably attract more good feelings. See you around soon, hugs!!

[Nickkih]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss Elizabeth. It's so hard lose someone so close. I lost my father 11 years ago and was as close to him as you describe being close to your grandma. Take it easy, don't rush healing and remember all the good and celebrate her everyday. That's what I do. I too understand how we loose some of our penmanship when we don't do it. Since my move to Florida I took about a 4 month break and now I'm getting back to that love of letters. So I understand and I wish you love & healing.  Xoxox

[Bianca M]

Sending my condolences and well wishes, as well as a big welcome-back hug.

[ash0kgiri]

Hi @Elisabeth_M

Sorry to hear about your Grandma.
And welcome back.

- Ashok

[Elisabeth_M]

Thank you for your kind words, everyone.  I am finally getting to the point that I can take comfort in people's condolences rather than starting to cry over my loss every time someone tells me they are sorry or gives me a hug.  I'm learning to cope with the emptiness in my life where my grandma used to fit in.

@AndyT You are right about the sadness sneaking up on people just when they think they are fine.  Right now, it's when I see something that I know that she would love in a gift shop.  Or, when Cate draws a picture and wants to send it to Grandma Rosie (we've talked about grandma's death but it's hard for an almost five year old to really understand the permanence of death).

@Terasleen I don't know if I'm up for writing down things she used to say, not yet.  But, eventually, I want to make a memory book about my Grandma with pictures and letters and stories when I'm ready to go through those things.  I also am fortunate enough to have digitally recorded conversations with her while we looked at old photos as a way of interviewing her for my genealogy research.  I want to edit those and make transcripts for my family.  I think it will be quite some time before I feel up for that, but it helps to think of ways to keep her memory alive for future generations.

For calligraphy, I am back to practicing and I want to create a memorial piece in honor of my grandma.  I feel like I can do that without being sad.  So I am thinking of what I might want to write for that.